Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
they need to just BURY HIM!
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
