I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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