yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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