I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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