He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
