I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
