He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
My liver just had a heart attack.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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