I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
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