He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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