I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I did not marry a roomba.
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