You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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