omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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