When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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