You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
