Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
