Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
The power of my boobs compel you
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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