Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
