He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
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