i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
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I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
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I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over