I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
