I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Acid is not a monday night drug
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
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Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
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Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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