So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Come on in and take your pants off
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