I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
