That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
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