I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
