Is it because I queefed?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
