would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
