I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
