In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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