It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
