So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
