why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
