Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
