I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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