I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
