Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
i need some magic done to my vagina
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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