the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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