2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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