it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
