this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
