paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i already hear my dad disowning me
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
