So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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