Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I think my moral compass just broke
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
