Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Randomize
