So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize