My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
