She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
