When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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