My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
