I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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