i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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