I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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