you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
