First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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