We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
