Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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