Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
So many bounce houses so little time
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
