just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
