Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
That accounts for only three of the penises
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Randomize
