Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
