i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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