I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
